I'm finding my way back to sanity again
Though I don't really know what i'm gonna do when i get there
I take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace

Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door
And listen to you breathing
Its where i wanna be, yeah
Where I wanna be

I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth
And i'm trying to identify the voices in my head
God wish won't you
Let me feel one more time what if feels like to feel
And break these caluses off me one more time

Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside of your door
And listen to you breathing
Its where I wanna be, yeah

Oh i don't want a thing from you
Bet you're tired of me waiting for
The scraps to fall off of your table to the ground
La da da da...
Cause i just wanna be here now

Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door
And listen to you breathing
Its where i wanna be, yeah
Where I wanna be

Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door
And listen to you breathing
Its where i wanna be, yeah
Where I wanna be

Lifehouse - No Name Face
Lyrics.com

No, don't just walk away
Pretending everything's ok
And you don't care about me
And I know there's just no use
When all your lies become your truths and I don't care
Could you look me in the eye
And tell me that you're happy now
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?

You took all there was to take
And left me with an empty plate
And you don't care about it
And I, I've given up this game
And leaving you with all the blame cause I don't care

Could you look me in the eye?
And tell me that you're happy now
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?

Do you really have everything you want?
You can never give somethin' you ain't got.
You can't run away from yourself

Could you look me in the eye?
And tell me that you`re happy now
Come on tell it to my face or have I been erased
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?

Would you look me in the eye?
Could you look me in the eye?
I've had that all I can take
And I'm about to break
Cause I'm happy now
Are you happy now?

Michelle Branch - Hotel Paper
Lyrics.com

Finally. Finally the release I needed so badly and for so long. I finally can say that I did something of substance to get over this once and for all. I hope. I really don't need the pain, the anxiety, the depression, the sinking feeling that has accompanied me the last 3 years. I remembered the date you know that? 4th August 2000. Let me see, 3 years and 13 days. I remembered not being able to sit down properly to watch the National Day Parade because my mind was on you. And I'll never forget that I spent 3 months of that year coughing away like mad, like I never needed life anymore.

Did you know that?

And you found somemone new at the end of 2000 and you're now with her. I cannot deny that I feel bitter. Forgive me, I'm only being truthful 'cause I took such an ardous and lonely journey battling to get on with my life. And you? You just excused everything with your inability to communicate and to open up to me.

You've lost the battle even before you even started.

But it's ok. Everything's over. The sun has finally come out again. I've never felt such happiness in such a long time. Life's brimming with hope for me now.

I haven't got much to say to you anymore. I don't think I really wanna be there for you anymore. Forgive me. It has been such a painful task in loving you. I loved you, I still do, but I only wished you loved yourself more.

Do you know you can never truly love someone else if you don't love yourself?

It took me 3 painfully long years to find out. And I'm in no rush to dive into another one. Not unless I know that that someone else does actually treasure me.

I don't think you even treasure the friendship we have now. Can you honestly say it's a friendship? Friendship has to be a two way communication, an exchange, isn't it? How come you're always silent?

I'm finally freed from the chains of guilt and the painful awaiting of your presence.

Because you don't matter anymore.

I finally saw her today. Horrors of horrors, I actually thought I may see her today, you know. But that was just a random thought while I was having lunch. And lo and behold, she really appeared. Just as I expected. Tall, pretty, tanned, slim...everything I'm not.

I blame you.

I blame you for your indecisiveness.

I blame you for your selfishness.

I blame you for your thoughtlessness.

I blame you for your insincerity.

I blame you for your irresponsibility.

I blame you for your unkept promises.

I hate you for being a coward.

I hate you for being afraid of rejection.

I hate you for not loving yourself enough.

I think you are too blinded to see that.

I think you don't really care.

But I don't too, either.

Running in circles
Never seeing the end
The exhaustion, mental, physical
Leaves me struggling to gasp for air
I long to leave this empty shell that I am in

I don't know if you feel the same
The same helplessness
The same fear of back threading
The same small voice that screams in despair but isn't heard
The same feeling that the whole world has spun off leaving you behind
…

You may think I'm strong
That I'm more than what I think I am
But I've emptied the depths of my soul
Searched high and low for what you say I may have
But there is nothing inside that fits the description

I don't know if you feel the same
The same loss of direction
The same anxiety to become more than what I should have been
The same beaten down soul that'no longer able to battle disappointment
The same aimless wandering in life, trying to find something called your own
…

I no longer captain my ship
Caught in an endless drifting, lost in the thick and hazy fog
It seems like the storms here are endless
The mist so thick that even wisps of sunlight cannot peer through
Can you tell me where exactly I am heading?

I don't know if you feel the same
The same identity crisis
The same burden from the memories that make up me
The same regrets I hold till today
The same despair that I don't seem to be able to come out of
…

I haven't come to terms with the loss of part of me
Something that seemed to have died a long time ago
Something that I have sensed yet brushed aside in denial
Can you help me?
Can you see me?

This glorious sadness keeps me enveloped in a faraway world
Apart from you, apart from the life I was supposed to have
The silence here is deafening, the blankness renders me blind
My lead-like legs keep treading, but I long for comforting slumber
I don't know if you feel the same?
…

T H E T R U T H

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

~ Lord of The Rings

Would you tell me,please, which way I ought to go from here?"

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.

"I don't much care where --" said Alice.

"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.

"--so long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation.

"Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."


~ Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

Have you ever felt like you knew someone a long, long time ago?
Another place, another time, a friendship of the souls?
Two people who share a bond for reasons neither know,
A feeling that they were friends, a long, long time ago?

Did they stumble onto each other by pure circumstance,
Or was it fate and destiny that played a certain hand?
Two souls intertwined, they are worlds apart,
But the soul, it knows no difference, in matters of the heart.

Somehow they are drawn together, fate has brought them back,
Each living worlds apart, they journey separate paths.
When this life is over, and a new life begins,
Their souls will find each other, two souls that we call friends.

Lia Fail