I just want to tell you that I think being emotional is so much better off than being emotionless, which is just like you.

I say love is like a box a matches...

Hidden from view are those whom you may create a spark with
Though we all know some matches never light (and crack into half when we insist that it lights)

But those that do create a spark
It illuminates our life
Brings warmth into our hearts

But alas the glow doesn't stay for long
For one match is only but that long
And when the flame goes
Nothing can bring it back
No amount of oxygen or fanning will revive the flame

Unless of course it was a glowing splint at first...

And for those that unfortunately get snuffed out prematurely
Bfore we can see its final sparkle
Leaves bitter sweet memories
That keeps lingering like the smell of burning wood

But some may stay bright even after a long while
When it is passed on to pretty candles that continue to illuminate the skies
And some may even wrap the night with an alluring scent...

Woo. Never thought I would be able to think of such a comparison. Too bad it comes a little too late, I've long passed the lower secondary years where we would compose our own poems. I bet my lit teacher would be so proud of me. Hee :)

But she taught me to love lit. The passion she had for lit, you could see it in her eyes.
(Grief overtakes the bloggie at this point of time when she realises that current teachers seem to be missing passion for what they teach)

Thanks Miss Leow. It was a really wonderful 2 years of lit, though I must admit I was quite a lazy bum then. But I think I learnt more than just appreciating poems and identifying alliterations,

you taught me to undertake everything with such gusto and passion.

开始懂了
孙燕姿
我竟然没有调头 最残忍那一刻
静静看你走 一点都不像我
原来人会变得温柔 是透澈的懂了
爱情是流动的 不由人的
何必激动着要理由

相信你只是怕伤害我 不是骗我
很爱过谁会舍得 把我的梦\摇醒了
宣布幸福不会来了

用辛酸微笑去原谅了 也翻越了
有昨天还是好的 但明天是自己的
开始懂了 快乐是选择

A thought provoking day even though I'm not even half way through today as yet. I was just wondering how come we accept whatever people place on us? School, the type of education, the teachers, I mean do they really know best? Or do we really know ourselves the best?

At this point I don't think I have an answer for myself. The last 2 years have been plain hell. School has never been so bad. Looking back, PBL wasn't that bad compared to now. I wonder to myself if it's all because I haven't been performing as I should in school and I haven't been getting the "ideal" grades expected of me. Is it all just that? I mean how can school be a totally different experience for 2 people when they're placed in that very situation simultaneously?

I don't know but I guess the answer is that they have different realities that dictate how they experience school and all that. I guess my reality is very different from everybody else then. Am I an oddball?

I used to think naively to myself that everyone that I knew from primary school would somehow or rather take the same path as me. The path from primary to secondary to tertiary then to the university. But an unexpected meet up with a primary school friend shattered all that. Not that it wasn't good or anything, rather, it opened up my eyes to alternative pathways to life that I may otherwise have missed. Life isn't all about getting that piece of paper to get into university. That is the thing that I haven't been able to get across to all those adults who have been breathing down my neck for me to hand in illustrious results in school. What if I hope to seek an alternative pathway to life? Are you going to deny me of my choice by insisting that I follow what you've planned for the rest of the crowd?

I rather not be in the crowd. Safe it may be, but somehow I don't fit in there.

Do sentimental and feeling people still exist? How come people get over things that matter so much to them so quickly? Albeit it's not useful to keep holding on to things that make you sad and unhappy, I somehow never seem to be able to escape this part of life.

I was so over whelmed by the dream I had this morning. Quite shaken I must say. I never knew it would or even could come back to haunt me like that. And I thought I had it exorcised some time back. The gripping fear inside you makes you unwell, want to scream and hide under your blanket. It has pop back for a visit.

The past cannot seem to be erased. No matter how I try you never seem to go away. Maybe because I don't want you to go away. But you have to because I have to get on with my life. I've never felt so tired, trying to do the same thing over and over again.

Is it because I'm unwanted? Or is it because I can never measure up to the rest?
I don't know but the things that are happening seem only to confirm this.

Finally a new template! Woo hoo! No more that soppy I wish I didn't miss you crap! Woo hoo! No more pining crap that doesn't reflect what I'm feeling now! Woo hoo! I absolutely love this template! Nice and cheery and most importantly, it stresses

"CARPE DIEM!"

Ladida! Beautiful!

My favorite quote is "Life is too short to be little," written by Disraeli.
Often we allow ourselves to be upset by small things we should despise and forget.
We lose many irreplaceable hours brooding over grievances that, in a year’s time,
will be forgotten by us and by everybody. No, let us devote our life to worthwhile
actions and feelings, to great thoughts, real affections and enduring undertakings.

~Andre Maurois

If you have built castles in the air,
your work need not be lost;
that is where they should be.
Now put the foundations under them.

~Henry David Thoreau

PLANT IMPOSSIBLE GARDENS.
Look forward to dreams. Cry during movies.
Swing as high as you can on a swingset, by moonlight.
Cultivate moods.
Do it for love. Take lots of naps.
Take moonbaths.
Giggle with children.
Listen to old people.
Drive away fear. Play with everything.
Entertain your inner child.
Build a fort with blankets.
Get wet. Hug trees. Write love letters.

~SARK

I beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart
and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms
or books written in a very foreign language.
Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given you now,
because you would not be able to live them.
And the point is, to live everything.
Live the questions now.
Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually,
without ever noticing it, live your way into the answer.

~Rainer Maria Rilke

I'm finding my way back to sanity again
Though I don't really know what i'm gonna do when i get there
I take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace

Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door
And listen to you breathing
Its where i wanna be, yeah
Where I wanna be

I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth
And i'm trying to identify the voices in my head
God wish won't you
Let me feel one more time what if feels like to feel
And break these caluses off me one more time

Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside of your door
And listen to you breathing
Its where I wanna be, yeah

Oh i don't want a thing from you
Bet you're tired of me waiting for
The scraps to fall off of your table to the ground
La da da da...
Cause i just wanna be here now

Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door
And listen to you breathing
Its where i wanna be, yeah
Where I wanna be

Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door
And listen to you breathing
Its where i wanna be, yeah
Where I wanna be

Lifehouse - No Name Face
Lyrics.com

No, don't just walk away
Pretending everything's ok
And you don't care about me
And I know there's just no use
When all your lies become your truths and I don't care
Could you look me in the eye
And tell me that you're happy now
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?

You took all there was to take
And left me with an empty plate
And you don't care about it
And I, I've given up this game
And leaving you with all the blame cause I don't care

Could you look me in the eye?
And tell me that you're happy now
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?

Do you really have everything you want?
You can never give somethin' you ain't got.
You can't run away from yourself

Could you look me in the eye?
And tell me that you`re happy now
Come on tell it to my face or have I been erased
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?

Would you look me in the eye?
Could you look me in the eye?
I've had that all I can take
And I'm about to break
Cause I'm happy now
Are you happy now?

Michelle Branch - Hotel Paper
Lyrics.com

Finally. Finally the release I needed so badly and for so long. I finally can say that I did something of substance to get over this once and for all. I hope. I really don't need the pain, the anxiety, the depression, the sinking feeling that has accompanied me the last 3 years. I remembered the date you know that? 4th August 2000. Let me see, 3 years and 13 days. I remembered not being able to sit down properly to watch the National Day Parade because my mind was on you. And I'll never forget that I spent 3 months of that year coughing away like mad, like I never needed life anymore.

Did you know that?

And you found somemone new at the end of 2000 and you're now with her. I cannot deny that I feel bitter. Forgive me, I'm only being truthful 'cause I took such an ardous and lonely journey battling to get on with my life. And you? You just excused everything with your inability to communicate and to open up to me.

You've lost the battle even before you even started.

But it's ok. Everything's over. The sun has finally come out again. I've never felt such happiness in such a long time. Life's brimming with hope for me now.

I haven't got much to say to you anymore. I don't think I really wanna be there for you anymore. Forgive me. It has been such a painful task in loving you. I loved you, I still do, but I only wished you loved yourself more.

Do you know you can never truly love someone else if you don't love yourself?

It took me 3 painfully long years to find out. And I'm in no rush to dive into another one. Not unless I know that that someone else does actually treasure me.

I don't think you even treasure the friendship we have now. Can you honestly say it's a friendship? Friendship has to be a two way communication, an exchange, isn't it? How come you're always silent?

I'm finally freed from the chains of guilt and the painful awaiting of your presence.

Because you don't matter anymore.